The day my world stopped

How can this be happening?!

Have you ever asked yourself this in the wake of loss? Have you actually felt as though you could feel your heart aching as you try to wrap your head around the fact that someone you deeply loved has died? I have on both counts.

It was springtime. David was finishing up his senior year in high school and I was scrambling to plan his graduation party at our home.

We had a ton of family and friends stop by. David greeted and hugged each one as they arrived. My camera captured it all. I took so many pictures. When everyone had gone he told me his mouth hurt from smiling so much. My mouth hurt too. I felt such joy for David that day. So happy for him and the bright future he had ahead of him.

I had a friend take family pictures our lawn. It was such a beautiful day and the pictures turned out great. I had no idea these would be our last family pictures with David.

On June 6, 2010, a week after his high school graduation David took his life after smoking a synthetic drug called K2. (Find more info on synthetic drugs here.)

I was the only one home at the time. I heard a pop. David must have lit one of the firecrackers he’d purchased recently. Then silence. Then my heart sank. I felt dizzy. I frantically called his name, until ultimately discovering what had happened. My son was gone in an instant and there was nothing I could do to help him. How can this be happening?

A few months after David’s death I began journaling. I had no expectations whatsoever. I just thought it would be a safe place to pour out my heart.  Maybe it would be therapeutic and would help in my healing.  What began as an outlet for my suffering became so much more; It’s become a record of God’s faithfulness.

I’m not going to promise this blog will be all wrapped up in a pretty bow. I’d venture to say if you’ve suffered loss, however recent, this may be difficult to read. It will either ignite the familiar pain you’ve felt in the past, or attest to the current pain you continue to struggle with. Either way, I pray you will find peace and comfort here as you search for healing.